Thursday, December 13, 2007

Wow! 3 Posts in One Day!

It's been months since I've had 3 in one day! Greg, I bet you can't utter those words without lying!

With any luck, this should be Andy's last night in the hospital. Ever! You'll recall he had a pretty rough night last night. Because of this I let him take a nap after his party today. He and I both napped pretty hard from 4 - 6. His normal bed time is 7, or 8 at the latest when in the hospital.

My mom and stepdad showed up around 6:30 after Andy didn't eat any of his dinner. He enjoyed being with his meemaw and pawpaw. He ate some leftover pizza for meemaw, so that's good.

Finally he went to bed around 8:30, maybe 8:45. He's sleeping very lightly right now, so we'll see how this goes. I really hope he doesn't throw up tonight. I should be used to that kinda stuff by now but I'm not. It bothers me. Just like the neupogin. I should be used to giving him shots, but I'm just not.

With this being his last night in the hospital, I've been thinking a lot today. It started at his party. The floor manager (title?) asked us if it went by fast or slow. It went slow for Julie, fast for me. Someone else noted that it was nice to see us with all smiles this time, last time he saw us it was quite the opposite.

So yeah, it got me to thinking about a lot of things. I was thinking about that horrible first day here. I was thinking about how that night when I couldn't sleep I decided to start this website as a way to put down my thoughts.

Today I watched a nurse giving a parent the tour of the floor as the parent watched, only half paying attention, with a look of horror on her face. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was that parent.

Speaking of which, it was weird saying goodbye to some of Andy's nurses who have been with him a lot since the beginning. Ok I'll say it, it was sad. I took my usual walk down to the atrium and lay down on the fake leather couch for the last time. Sure we'll be around and we can come up and say hello, but it's not the same. And I think I'll actually miss my little walks to the atrium at 8:00, 9:00 or 10:00 at night. It used to be I'd go down there to lie on the couch, stare at the ceiling, and not think about the situation. It was therapeutic.

I also noticed something else today. I saw a dad who had adjusted. You'll recall I made an introspective post a while back. Basically I was quoting a song that seemed to fit my mood at the time. I mentioned that I overheard a mother telling her son that he has leukemia and having to explain to him that there's a small chance it could kill him. That son's father reminded me of myself during those first few days. Well, it's been a while. Dad has adjusted to the changes, I can tell.

I remember when that happened to me. It was like a calm came over me all at once. It wasn't an "everything will be okay" calm. It was more of a "this is happening" calm. Time slowed down, everything was in perspective. I remember the moment it happened. I was forever changed after that moment. I'm not sure when it happened to this dad, but I can tell it happened. It doesn't happen to every parent. You can see the parents who have had that epiphany though. Or maybe you can't. But I can. It's about half of the parents.

Someone mentioned today at Andy's party that he couldn't remember what Andy looked like with hair. That got me to thinking about when we noticed Andy's hair coming out. As a parent you can't prepare yourself for that. It hurts to run your fingers through your child's hair and pull it out in clumps, knowing it's because of chemo. That's why we shaved it. We saved ourselves a lot of pain by doing so. Also, he's dead sexy as a baldie, don't you agree? He looks a lot like his Grandpa Key, I'd say! You can really tell now that he's bald. Of course that's not the reason he looks like Grandpa, it's just easier to see. I know it bothered my grandpa, but he was one of the 25% of men that made bald look good, whether he wanted to admit it or not. Bald wasn't as cool back then as it is now though. Cool baldness is fairly new over the last decade or so.

Speaking of Grandpa, I was thinking about Grandpa Kelley's passing. I still haven't had a chance to grieve which means there's still some unfinished business. But at least the pain has subsided a bit. Probably in no small part due to the anti-anxiety meds my doctor put me on of in at. I gotta tell ya though, I still have the phone in my hand every Friday ready to call him. Not because I forgot that he's no longer there, but because... well... because I want to on of in at.

My wife, my kids, and I are now all much closer than ever. My wife and I flirt with each other again, hold each other in our arms while lazing on the couch watching TV, and truly can't stand being away from each other. It's like we're 16 and dating! My kids all love each other almost like Wally and the Beav. Sure they fight a bit, but nothing like they used to. It's like the sibling rivalry is on hold, or at least has subsided. Emma's attitude has improved ten-fold. I don't know how to describe our family situation. It's weird. Almost too good to be true.

They sucked some blood to get AFP numbers. They should be getting closer and closer to zero. Apparently AFPs have a long half-life, so that's why it's not all the way to zero yet. For some reason I'm a bit nervous though. What if the AFP numbers are up? Then what? Did I jinx myself by thinking this was almost over? I dunno, we'll see.

Ok, enough for one day. Andy is awake again. Here we go.

Pics from the no more chemo party coming soon! Sometime this weekend, anyway.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Life is beautiful!! Congratulations to all of you!!!