Saturday, October 13, 2007

A New Day

Ok, so today's a new day. I'm not so angry with God today. Between the Kelleys, the Keys, and the Thomasons (my stepdad's family), we have lost a lot of people since early 2006. A lot. Not 3 or 4. I lost count, but probably close to 10. Heck, maybe even more. That's a lot. Some of them were very close to me, some were distant. Some where expected, some were sudden. It's just been a long 18 months or so and I find myself, from time to time, questioning why we worship and hold so near and dear to us a God who would do this to a family. Then it hits me. The same God who would torture Job just to stroke his own ego. Yeah, it makes me mad.

I just got home. I went to Jefferson Barracks. Grandpa didn't want us there for the burial, crying over the ceremony or lack thereof. He never said anything about not going there the day after. I found the plot by doing some googling and came across my grandmother's information. Weird, though, it says she was an "AT3" in the Navy. ?????? Once I got there, though, I walked almost directly to the spot. It's been 21 years, but.. I dunno. Weird.

So I hung out there for a while talking to my grandma & grandpa, then I went by my other grandparents' cemetary since it was literally on my way home. It was good to see them again too. I can't believe it's already been over a year since my grandma Key died. It was June 2006.

While at the cemetary I went by my cousin Becky's grave. She died earlier this year of cancer. Her headstone says something along the lines of "Forget how I died, remember how I lived." Fresh flowers & a teddy bear were on her grave. It was really sad to see.

Shortly after my grandma Key died (like a month later), my grandma Thomason died suddenly and unexpectedly. She's my step-grandmother, but she's just been another grandma to me since I was about 5 years old. I wasn't able to make it by her gravesite today. It's quite a drive to get there, so it will have to be its own trip.

She's buried in the same graveyard as my cousins (step-cousins, but whatever) who died a year or so earlier in a tragic boating accident. So yeah, I need to get down there and see all of them.

I feel better having talked to Grandpa Kelley for the first time since before he died. I got a lot off my chest just being with him. I swear I could feel his presence, as well as my grandmother's. I could also swear I felt the presence of my aunt Kay. (My grandmother's sister who died about a year ago. She was my grandpa Kelley's neighbor as well. We were pretty close for a time.)

RIP Pvt. Lloyd M. Kelley, USMC.


Anonymous said...

Okay...tooting my own horn (feels goooood too), but it seems as though I read that Job thingy before. I still get a kick out of the way Al Pacino refers to God in the devil's advocate....that scene kills me.
Enough with the Kanadian crap, it's time to be almost serious! Remember that if we don't die, then life would have absolutely no meaning. Who wants to live a thousand lifetimes? All it would lead to is having to see all of your friends and family die a thousand different times. Be happy about the life they had and the time you were able to share together. Be happy that you were able to get to know your Grandpa, I barely had the chance to know either of mine, they both died before I was 7. Be happy with everyone that's left, for who knows when the bell may toll (isn't that a line from a Poison song?).
You wanna feel good, go out and play some's the most exciting game since Pong!!!! Watch American Pie and be glad you didn't grow up with Stifler! Watch Dokken videos and be glad you weren't a fan. Life is too short to dwell on the negative, focus on what is good in your woman that puts up with your crap, beautiful children, a home, nice vehicles, great relatives (especially that Greg dude that you wanna see pregnant for some perverse reason), nice job, drums, Winger, texas hold 'em, the Soccer channel and all of the other wonderful things life has to offer!
I am sure I forgot a few things, but I am sure you get my point. Vent all you want, you need to and it's a good thing, but never forget about the positives in life. Remember, the grief has 5 stages and you have only one left, ACCEPTANCE! Once you get that, life will be all the better!

andrew 4 life said...

I knew I got the Job inspiration from somewhere. Just couldn't figure out where. :)

I did grow up with Stiffler, his name was Mitch.

And no, anger is only the second stage. However, I've become quite numb to all stages, so I dunno. We'll see.

Thank you for the reminder of the positives. You're right. The thing is, I'd give up most of the things on that list (MOST, not all) to have my Grandpa back. However, words cannot describe the overwhelming peace I felt at the cemetary today.

Oh crap. That's bargaining. :)

I feel compelled to watch a certain Scrubs episode.

Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me???